Flu viruses have survived for millions of years, buddy. They are a part of our Earth's beautiful ecosystem. Here, take a pamphlet. See? Aren't they cute? Those little adorable viruses?
You see, the flu's natural function, the function it was selected by nature to have, is to transmit itself from host to host by causing their hosts to sneeze! Ideally, directly into the respirtory system of another candidate host animal! An extremely effective form of transmission, if you ask me. Yup, nature is really elegant in her simplicity sometimes. But take note, if I were to sneeze, and no one inhaled my sneeze, all those viruses, not to mention bacteria and other delightful microscopic life, would most likely die! So instead of getting mad at me for sneezing in your face, don't you think you should be thanking me for the honor of granting you the stewardship of living creatures in your respiratory, circulatory, and lymphic systems, you miserable ingrate? Do you really want to be responsible for the death of an entire species?!
Okay, okay, maybe I got a bit harsh. I apologize. But, seriously, please don't waste your sneezes. Every time you feel the urge, please try to sneeze directly in the face of the person nearest to you. Preferably, someone you know you can trust to not try and clean themselves off or use anti-histamines or cold medication. We wouldn't want to kill off our little viruses before they mature and are capable of rupturing your cells from the inside! Oh, the miracle of life is so beautiful! Especially when it is systematically turning other human beings into liquid.
Here, take a pamphlet.
Viruses have the right to life too, ya know.
Here, friend, take a pamphlet.
1 comment:
Those things in the picture are clearly bacteria. Not viruses. If bacteria are casuing you to sneeze then you, sir, are very, very sick. I suggest you immolate your corpse immediately. For the good of man.
Also, fuck other things and their biological goals/purposes. Those assholes deserve none of my valuable mucus!
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