“And looking upon the light of mine freshly conditioned hair, ye shall be pleased, and ye shall revel.” – Fekkai 22:12
For my hair hath been conditioned by Pantene Pro V™ conditioner, with Retinol™, the sacred formula of which was bequeathed to Moses on the Mount by the Lord himself:
And, looking upon the formula, Moses took it unto his hands, and breathing deep of the sacred apple and spring flower fragrance, applied it to his beard with a forcefulmost rigour.
And, upon lathering, and, upon the rinsething, he had repeatethed the act, and the Lord, looking upon the beard of Moses, declared ye, "It is good. And it is shiny."
Whence Moses, looking upon his brethr’n, seeing their hair dirty with the soil of the Earth and their faces blacken’d w’ soot and tear, declaréd,
“The Lord has commissioned ye a vast factory built, a factory in which the holy elixir of Pantene Pro V™ with Retinol ™ shall be producéd, and we shall be lathered, and rinsed, and thence upon, we shall repeateth the sacred ritual.”
Thereupon the holy work had been undertaketh, that the neighboring Ammorites, being of greaséd hair, sought upon the holy elixir.
It was $49.95.
Available at local grocery or convenience stores.
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3 comments:
Thou shalt not worship false idols!! Clairol Herbal Essences (TM) is the choice of the lord and savior!!!
And God sent forth the flood so that all mankind's hair would be rins'd clean of oily residues and damaging styling products.
Jesus came to earth so that G-d himself could live the life of those with poor hair styling. He died to purge the sins of these poor humans, that they may get another chance to buy a good shampoo and conditioner and truly feel the glory of the lord.
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