Well, I've Already Managed to F*ck This Up

Seriously? Who's idea was it to put me in charge of this? I genuinely could not be less qualified. Well, I could have no limbs.

Guys, one of you should probably stop laughing and call the department head. These flames are spreading at an alarming rate. Whoever put me in charge of this should be fired. Clearly. The fact that within moments of taking over I have caused this mess is indicative of a really poor decision making process. I mean, who puts the alcoholic in front of the bottles labeled "non-potable?" Is that some sort of perverse challenge? Are you trying to see what happens when you put an semi-literate speed freak in a contained space with lots of expensive equipment and flammable materials? Well congratu-fucking-lations. Jerks. Now will someone PLEASE hand me a gas mask and the atropene epi-pen.